Why I Choose to Wear Pants

Disclaimer: Wearing pants is my own personal choice.  I don’t wish to impose my lifestyle on those around me.  This is me and it’s who I am!
    Many people have never asked me why I wear pants.  Is it because if I didn’t, people would think lustful thoughts after me?  Probably not.  Actually, most definitely not.  I got enough objections sporting bike shorts over the summer for some reason (please see previous post).  The reason I wear pants wasn’t a recent decision I made; in fact, that choice stems back many years ago.
              
  When you’re a baby, everyone thinks it’s just the cutest thing to see a naked baby and play with the rolls on your legs.  Unless you’re one of those parents that buys miniature suits and Nikes for their baby (which I think is almost as bad as people who dress up their pets.  Dogs aren’t meant to wear booties and sweaters!))  The cute, naked phase continues for the next few years.  Like when neighbors think it’s adorable when the naked kid from next door shows up unannounced (Awww!). 
              
    It’s once you reach elementary school age that people start giving you queer looks when you walk around in the buck (exceptions for this include children in third-world countries, who can push 11 or 12).  That’s the point when your parents sit you down to have the talk.  You know, the one that explains why public nudity is unacceptable (at least in our area).  You know that talk, right?  You may have heard it differently, but the gist is the same. 
Me wearing pants, while riding a horse, while throwing a javelin 
    Pants started to grow on me throughout the years.  I gained a sense of their necessity at such times such as that adolescent “pantsing” phase in Jr. High, trying to turn them into a flotation device in the public pool for the swimming merit badge (absolutely useless), and having them rip right off while performing dance moves similar to jumping jacks for a bunch of kids.  These experiences have helped to develop me.  I suppose I also live in fear that if I went on campus without pants, I run the risk of someone (not even gender specific) hand me a note quietly that explains how uncomfortable I am making them feel due to my lack of Bermudas.  Oddly enough that only happens with women here at BYU, something about skirts and leggings.  But no one ever gets after those dang male hipsters (not to be confused with male strippers) for wearing their fashionably short cut-offs.  I affectionately refer to them as Ne-hors (anyone get that reference).
              
  The final straw came two weeks ago while I was bowling among friends.  I had just broken 100 and was feeling pretty good (whether that was on my 9th frame or not is irrelevant).  The 10th frame I was walking back down to my seat and felt a slight draft down below.  I realized my pants had split right down the middle.  COME ON!! Bowling isn’t even a strenuous sport.  We played one more game and I realized the draft was throwing off my game terribly, I ended with a score less than 50.  I realized that pants are not only essential to a good game of bowling, but in life.  You can’t get a good job if you’re not wearing pants.  Common sense.
Me wearing shorts, another version of pants
The reason I wear pants is a personal one; it is different for each person.  Not everyone will agree with me, but let me know what your stance is!

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